Setting a Sober Example for Your Teens

By Leslie Davis

You may think it's acceptable for your teens to see you come home drunk after happy hour with coworkers or indulge in a few too many drinks during a family gathering. But by doing so, you're setting your children up for substance abuse problems of their own.

According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University, teens who have seen a parent drunk are far more likely to engage in substance abuse than teens who have not. Those teens are twice as likely to abuse alcohol and three times as likely to abuse marijuana and tobacco.

"If they begin drinking before the age of 15, they're five times more likely to develop substance abuse disorders, which includes alcohol, than those who wait until the age of 21," Pat Hart, executive director of the Delaware County Coordinating Council to Prevent Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse, said in an article on TheStarPress.com.

Despite these risks, more than 50 percent of 17-year-olds have seen one or both of their parents drunk, according to CASA. And those teens likely think that getting drunk is the norm in every household.

Before you let your teens see you getting drunk again, consider that your actions may be having a greater effect on your children than you think and do something about it before it sets up your teens for a lifetime struggle with substance abuse.

Model Responsible Drinking

There's a big difference between having a drink at dinner and getting drunk every night. Your teens are likely going to learn about alcohol consumption at home, and the lesson they should learn is how to drink responsibly, not how to drink in excess.

Don't make it the norm for your teens to see you getting drunk at dinner, or on other occasions. Instead, show them that having a drink or two is perfectly acceptable during dinner or while relaxing with friends or family. This models a pattern that they are likely to follow for the rest of their lives.

Don't Make Drinking the Focus of Gatherings

By making wine, beer or other alcoholic beverages the focus of gatherings, you are indicating to your teens that alcohol is necessary to have fun. That is especially true when they see everyone getting drunk and losing their inhibitions.

While you don't have to cut alcohol out of every party or dinner you have, minimize how much you make available. Don't make drinking the priority or push drinks on people when they're not holding one. Show your teens that the purpose of gatherings is to spend time and engage in conversation with people you enjoy, not to party.

Create and Enforce Rules

Setting an example for your teen isn't just about your behavior. It's also about creating and enforcing rules about alcohol for your teens so that they know some boundaries when it comes to alcohol.

Let your teens know what the consequences will be if you find them sneaking alcohol out of the liquor cabinet, coming home drunk from a party or having their friends bring alcohol into your home. And if you catch your teens in any of those situations, be sure to enforce whatever consequences you set so they know they can't get away with it.

Also remind them that it's illegal to drink when underage, and that they could face more serious consequences than anything you could dole out.

Don't Be an Enabler

Some of the worst things you can do are to buy your teens alcohol, let them serve it at parties or be their drinking buddies. All this does is enable their drinking and indicate to them that their parents are fine with the behavior, so there is no problem at all.

Instead of enabling your teens, teach them about alcohol, its effects and the potential dangers of drinking too much. They'll have enough opportunities to experiment during high school without you having to be the one showing them.

Get Treatment for Alcohol Abuse

If you getting drunk is the norm and you have not been able to stop on your own, you may need to seek treatment for alcohol abuse. A residential treatment center for alcohol addiction can provide a supportive setting in which you can learn to enjoy life without alcohol and address any problems that led you to drink in the first place.

Remember that the first place that your kids will learn about alcohol is at home. Be sure to set a positive example so that they know how to be responsible when it comes to drinking alcohol.